This is what happens when you’re a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese, swans.
What We Do In The Shadows (2014) dir.Taika Waititi
b99:
“I feel so compelled to give a detailed answer to everything. People tell me over and over, ‘Jenny, you don’t have to say everything.’ But I forget. I straight-up forget, and I’m not sure how to change without completely silencing myself.” Jenny Slate for Marie Claire
holy shit apparently during the filming of the 2002 spiderman movie james franco joked that tobey maguire had “frog-like features” which genuinely upset him and resulted in a rivalry between the two that still exists today i’m fucking screaming
i hope tobey maguire beats the fucking shit out of james franco with no repercussions
The frog in tom holland’s mouth is actually tobey maguire
I wish that oreo cookies was my asshole
I wish your laptop was actually a Bible and your room was actually a confessional booth
some of y’all have never gone to make a happy birthday card, and thought “i don’t need to trace it. i know how big letters should be,” and begun with a big-ass H, followed by a big-ass A and… oh, no! oh, god! ok, all right. real skinny P with a high hump, and then we’ll put the second P below the hump of that first P, sort of like a motorcycle sidecar situation. and now you have no room for the Y, so you do a kind of curled-up noodle Y. block letters and cursive look good together. and then you go to write “Birthday” and you totally forget the lesson you just learned with “Happy.” you’re like, “yeah, but the past is the past. big-ass B. surely more letters will fit in the same space,” and it really shows.
I’ve never felt a post this much in my life
I finally love my body. I let go of the anxiety and the fear of not looking beautiful. Because it’s not about the picture. It’s about the fact that I stand on this cover with every Latina who wished she saw herself reflected. Because it’s not my face—it’s the 55-million-plus girls who are like, ‘Holy shit! We belong.’
Gina Rodriguez for Cosmopolitan February 2019
